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I playing with power, but when power is so unbalanced in the world, and so abused, it takes a very serious, deep approach to consent for me to play with power in a safe, useful, respectful and feminist way.Read more | Comments (1) | Posted by The Shorty | Filed under Mono/Poly Resources, Relationships There are a lot of terms out there to try to describe people’s relational orientations or styles.You whisper in someone’s ear “I want to do X to you. ” and have them repeat back to you what they want you to do and then tell me that’s not hot.I spent most of my formative young adult years in an emotionally abusive relationship.Kinky settings can often lead to an expectation of availability.Just look at how many submissive women have to say things like “I’m submissive.” There’s an expectation amongst enough folks that if you’re at a party, at a munch, on Fet Life, open about being kinky, that you’re fair game because, hey, you can always say “No,” right?” and I’ll stop unless I get a clearly affirmative answer.Some folks think that asking for permission isn’t sexy. You know how many times I’ve asked “Can I kiss you?
I suppose that makes consent the only true fetish I’ve got.I had to learn a lot of this shit the hard way, and I know I hurt some folks along the way in doing so. This is what it takes for me to trust that someone’s yes is undoubtedly a yes.This is the best understanding I can get of what it means to negotiate the things we do when we live in a world infused at every turn by patriarchy, by kyriarchy.It is the one thing I absolutely must have in order to play with someone.Because of this consent fetish, there may be a long time between expressing interest in someone and actually playing with them.